The other day, I was talking with one of my roommates, and he noted a concern that he had with my Complex Attraction post. In that post I argue that there is a part of my attraction to guys that is good and leads me to befriend them, serve them, and generally want to be around them in wholesome, positive ways. He pointed out that a straight guy who is married might use this same logic with an attraction that he experiences to a woman not his wife. He might say, "Well I know I can't do anything physically with this woman, but that doesn't mean I can't be good friends with her and spend a lot of time with her getting to know her."
EHHHH! Wrong! Huge red flag there. The comparison is not a direct correlation for at least three reasons.
Number one, the guys that I am attracted to and want to befriend are typically not gay. This removes any possibility of inappropriate activity with him, which means that I am more free to pursue a close friendship with said guy because the danger of sexual sin in almost nonexistent. (I am talking physical sexual sin. Lust is still a danger which must be fought.) However, for a married guy befriending a straight woman, this is not the case. There is much danger that should be taken into account because mutual attraction is possible.
That danger also changes the way that I would seek to pursue a close friendship with another gay man. In that situation, the possibility for sexual activity is present just as it is between a straight man and woman. So I would be MUCH more cautious in that relationship, probably putting in place similar boundaries that a married guy would put in place with a married woman. But with a straight guy, even if I am totally attracted to him, I am thinking, "He isn't interested in me," so the danger is greatly reduced.
Number two (and more foundational, I think), a married man has made a covenant before God that his relationship with his wife should be unique from all other relationships with other women. In other words, the mans wife - and no one else - is called to be his best woman friend, and that relationship is exclusive. He is to cultivate that friendship, and be jealous to guard that relationship against any other that might threaten it. However, I as a single man have made no such covenant and therefore have no such constraints. So while a married man is not free to pursue close female friends because he has his wife, I am free to pursue close male friendships because I need not be exclusive in this manner.
Number three. There is a different dynamic at work between same-sex friends and opposite-sex friends, even between gay people, that must be noted. I think Joshua Gonnerman says it best:
Most people, to a greater or lesser degree, are accustomed to being socialized with those of the same sex, and separately from those of the opposite sex from an early age. Though the phrasing “Familiarity breeds contempt” is not what I want, it is true that familiarity with the same sex which all of us grow up with, and which is in fact innate, even from the basic fact that we are the same sex, creates a dynamic where we are often better trained in behaving ourselves around members of the same sex than heterosexuals are trained in behaving themselves around members of the opposite sex."