One of my favorite quotes of all time is from George MacDonald's Fantasties:
As in all sweetest music, a tinge of sadness was in every note. Nor do we know how much of the pleasures even of life we owe to the intermingled sorrows. Joy cannot unfold the deepest truths, although deepest truth must be deepest joy. Cometh white-robed Sorrow, stooping and wan, and flingeth wide the doors she may not enter. Almost we linger with Sorrow for very love."
I love music, and I totally agree with MacDonald that the sweetest music has "a tinge of sadness in every note." It reminds me of Claire de Lune by Debussy. It is at once beautiful and haunting, sorrowful and sweet. Listening to it, you can't help but feel that the joy the melody creates would not be possible without a profound sense of sadness. It's a deeper joy, a joy that sores higher because of the depths that it has experienced.
My journey with same-sex attraction has been similar in many ways. The road hasn't been easy. In fact, at times it has been downright awful. I didn't ask to be gay, and there have been many times in my life where I would have done anything - given anything - to be rid of it. Often it has brought feelings of alienation, misunderstanding, confusion, and despair. Feeling inescapably different than all of my friends brings with it a unique type of sorrow.
My journey with same-sex attraction has been similar in many ways. The road hasn't been easy. In fact, at times it has been downright awful. I didn't ask to be gay, and there have been many times in my life where I would have done anything - given anything - to be rid of it. Often it has brought feelings of alienation, misunderstanding, confusion, and despair. Feeling inescapably different than all of my friends brings with it a unique type of sorrow.
And yet, it is impossible for me to know how many of the joys that I currently experience are owing directly to my struggle with homosexuality. The Lord has used this journey to do innumerable things that have shaped me into who I am today, and the gains, in my estimation, far outweigh the pain. I can relate to so many people in ways that I never would have been able without SSA. I have experienced the love and acceptance of friends and family on deeper levels. I have new ministry opportunities that are life giving and exciting. But most of all, through my struggle, I have gained so much more of God! I have experienced more of him, known more about him, and shared more of him.
For me, this is what it means to "linger with sorrow for very love." The love of God has been made manifest to me through my being gay in ways that it would not have otherwise, so I am willing to walk the sorrowful road. I am willing to "linger with sorrow" because I know that God is working all things - including my sexuality - together for my ultimate good and highest joy (Rom. 8:28).
And what's crazy is that this is not just true of me and my sexuality, but of everyone in a multitude of areas. Think about it. How many of life's sweetest joys would not be possible without the pain that led to them? How many friendships would still be superficial because the deep season of hurt, pain, and reconciliation didn't happen? How many words of encouragement would not have been able to be spoken because we didn't walk through that same valley before?
This is the message of scripture as well. Consider verses such as James 1:2-3, Psalm 119:71, and 2 Corinthians 1:3-5. The main reason that the Lord brings trials, pain, and hardship into our lives is to perfect us, draw us to him, and give us greater, deeper joy.
From mountain top views, to losing weight, to sweet relationships - they all involve pain on the way. But the sorrow makes the joy more joyful, the delight more delightful, and the love more loving. And so, "Almost we linger with Sorrow for very love."
For me, this is what it means to "linger with sorrow for very love." The love of God has been made manifest to me through my being gay in ways that it would not have otherwise, so I am willing to walk the sorrowful road. I am willing to "linger with sorrow" because I know that God is working all things - including my sexuality - together for my ultimate good and highest joy (Rom. 8:28).
And what's crazy is that this is not just true of me and my sexuality, but of everyone in a multitude of areas. Think about it. How many of life's sweetest joys would not be possible without the pain that led to them? How many friendships would still be superficial because the deep season of hurt, pain, and reconciliation didn't happen? How many words of encouragement would not have been able to be spoken because we didn't walk through that same valley before?
This is the message of scripture as well. Consider verses such as James 1:2-3, Psalm 119:71, and 2 Corinthians 1:3-5. The main reason that the Lord brings trials, pain, and hardship into our lives is to perfect us, draw us to him, and give us greater, deeper joy.
From mountain top views, to losing weight, to sweet relationships - they all involve pain on the way. But the sorrow makes the joy more joyful, the delight more delightful, and the love more loving. And so, "Almost we linger with Sorrow for very love."